There are a number of exciting events being planned to fill the gap. You can read about them on the on the Stonewall 40 Atlanta website here and Atlanta Pride website here.

I want to highlight a reading I am involved in that will take place Stonewall weekend for the fabulous two-volume anthology I have a piece in called ‘Visible: A Femmethology’. I am especially excited to commemorate Stonewall weekend with a reading from this book, as I think the fact that it challenges the queer community on assumptions and ideas around femininity and femme identity is especially appropriate. The event is free and open to the public. Hope to see you there!

Stonewall Anniversary Weekend Femmethology Reading
Saturday June 27th, 2009 8:30pm  @ Aphrodite’s Toy Box (3040 N. Decatur Rd. Scottdale, GA 30079)

‘Visible: A Femmethology‘, the only two-volume anthology devoted to femme identity, calls the LGBTQI community on its prejudices and celebrates the  diversity of individual femmes. Award-winning authors, spoken-word artists,  and new voices come together to challenge conventional ideas of how  disability, class, nationality, race, aesthetics, sexual orientation, gender identity and body type intersect with each contributor’s concrete notion of femmedom. Join us as we celebrate the release of this anthology, with readings by 5 local contributors: Brook Bolen, Caitlin Childs, JD Dykes, Asha Leong, and Margaret Price.

You can view the Facebook invitation here, read about the book on the Femmethology website here, read about the fabulous publisher here, and get info on the venue hosting the reading, Aphrodite’s Toy Box here.

I helped write this list, along with some trans community members, back in 2004. I was part of a group of young, white, anti-authoritarian, community organizers in Atlanta who decided that rather than continue to organize in ways that were potentially problematic, we should take the time to caucus around race, look back critically on past organizing, and think about ways that white organizers can work with communities of color in ways that are actually useful to communities of color. We eventually did some interesting community organizing projects that were very intentional in regards to building relationships, taking leadership from communities of color, and sustainability. These caucuses were far from problem free and eventually did dissolve. However, I learned a lot from my involvement and that work has definitely informed my activism since.

This list of demands came out of some of that work. It was initially written just for the folks involved in the caucusing. Most of us involved in the caucusing decided to attend the SEANET (South East Anarchist Network) Conference in the Spring of 2004. Upon finding out that the conference organizers had decided to use a gender caucus format for the bulk of the conference, we sent this list to the organizers and to be distributed at the conference. Apparently it made it’s way around the internet world. I think it is a useful starting point. There are probably things I would change and add to it now, but I think it is definitely worth sharing. Let me know your thoughts too!

Also, I am working on a blog on the differences and commonalities between intersex and transgender. I think that intersex and  trans folks are natural allies in many ways and I have some thoughts on the ways we can work together and support each other’s activism and struggles. We intentionally separated out the trans and intersex demands on this list, even if some do overlap, because we acknowledge big differences do exist and think it takes away from both trans and intersex folks’ unique experiences to lump everything together.

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April, 2004

Here are two separate lists that a few of us developed in Atlanta. We initially wrote the list because we had found other lists in regards to sexism to be good, but incomplete and lacking in our own experiences.

The trans demands are lacking in MtF voices. This list comes out of our community. The list is far from complete, but is good to start discussions around these issues. We wanted to make sure we sent them out before the SEAnet (South Eastern Anarchist network) Gathering in April [2004]. We encourage everyone (particularly SEAnet organizers) to take the time to read them.

INTERSEX LIST OF DEMANDS

• Don’t assume you know someone’s sex based on how you perceive them or their gender.
• Don’t assume all women have a vagina, uterus, etc.
• Don’t assume all men have a penis, testes, etc.
• Don’t fetishize our bodies.
• Don’t use the word hermaphrodite to describe us unless we identify that way and give permission.
• Don’t feel sorry for us.
• Respect our sex identification.
• Don’t exploit our existence to discredit biological determinism or other academic ideologies.
• Know the difference between sex and gender.
• Know the difference between intersexed and transgendered.
• Don’t ask us or try to picture what our genitals look like.
• Don’t ask us if we have sexual sensations.
• Don’t assume you have the right to know intimate details of our bodies. We have the right to privacy and safety like all other people.
• Realize we have historically been mutilated, fetishized, and made into freak shows. Understand how this affects us and our safety.
• Don’t say “cool” or “weird” or treat us differently when we tell you we are intersexed.
• Educate yourself!!! Read books on intersex.
• Girl, woman, female; boy, man, male are not always interchangeable.
• Don’t assume all intersex people are queer.
• Realize that not all people with intersex condition are out.
• Realize that not all people with intersex conditions even know that they are intersexed.
• Remember that we are 1 in 100, and that is not rare at all!!!
• Don’t call our conditions “disorders,” “retardations,” “abnormalities,” etc.
• Realize that bodies come in all different shapes, sizes and with different parts.
• Realize how fucking strong we are to speak up about the medical abuse and victimization we have been through and that we deserve mad props.
• Don’t write us off as rare and unimportant. Don’t put off educating yourself for other “more important” issues.
• In situations such as gender caucuses, keep in mind that not all the people who identify as women have similar genitalia, etc. Understand that we have been taught that our bodies are “wrong” and “ugly” and that it reinforces this when people say they love being women because of their vagina, uterus, etc., this reinforces those feelings. Woman does not necessarily = female. Man does not necessarily = male.

TRANS/GENDER LIST OF DEMANDS

• Don’t assume someone’s gender identity.
• Don’t constantly reference someone’s gender identity in an attempt to seem OK with it. Likewise, don’t think we care if you’re OK with us or not. No one asked for your approval.
• Don’t trip up on pronouns- if you fuck up, simply correct yourself and go on.
• Don’t glamorize someone’s gender identity or think it’s “cool” or say that you’re “into it.”
• Read trans/gender theory. Know the difference between: transgender, transsexual, gender fucking, gender blending/bending, gender vs. sex, binary gender, passing, transitioning, binding, tucking, packing/stuffing, third genders, drag queens/kings, androgyny, butch, femme, crossdressing, boi, MtF, FtM, tranny boys, tranny dykes, boydykes, transfags, etc., etc., etc.!!!
• Know the difference between intersex and transgender.
  
• Think about how you would really feel if someone you loved transitioned. Think about your fears and why you have them.
• Recognize your own transphobia.
• Know about transitioning and surgery and hormones.
• Don’t just name yourself a “trans ally” one day.
• Realize that some of us have struggled with our gender identity for a long time. Don’t think that we just woke up one day and decided that we would identify as transgendered. So when we finally find a space that we’re comfortable in (even if temporarily), don’t co-opt that space or try to make it yours too.
• Even if you think fucking with gender is hot, don’t talk about it in an objectifying way.
• Realize that it can be hard existing in in-between spaces and really know that trans oppression and transphobia exist. Know the fear of not being able to determine when you pass, the fear of being arrested/strip searched/thrown in the wrong holding cell, the threat of violence, the annoyance of having to “come out” about your gender identity constantly, etc.
• Understand the privilege of feeling at home in your body, using a public bathroom, knowing which M/F box to check, having people assume your gender identity and them being right, etc.
• Realize that there is a gender community and that the validation we receive from that community can be incomparable to what you could ever offer us and let us seek refuge there.
• Recognize how class and race fit into these equations.
• Recognize and respect someone’s gender identity regardless of whether or not they choose to have surgery or take hormones. Similarly, don’t judge someone for transitioning or not wanting to identify as “transgendered.”
• Don’t think of a transgender identity as “political.”
• Don’t partner with us out of some weird transitioning or coming out process for you. Don’t ask us how we fuck.
• Question your own gender! (But don’t then tell me, “You know, I’ve never felt like a ‘real man’/'real woman’ either.” -What this means is don’t assume our experiences are the same.
• Don’t ask questions about someone trying to determine their “real gender.”
• Don’t think that FtM are dealing with some kind of internalized sexism.
• Don’t assume our gender identity, render it invisible, or think it doesn’t matter because of who we choose to partner with.
• Don’t label our gender or sexual identity for us. Recognize the difference between the two!
• Don’t think of our experiences and identities as monolithic.
• Don’t think we are a “recent emergence” that somehow came out of gender/queer theory and academia.
• Realize that there are a variety of trans/gender expressions. Don’t assume that people should express their gender similarly just because they both identify as transgendered. Likewise, don’t judge someone because you think that their trans identity and gender expression conflict.
• Think about the language you use to differentiate between trans and non-trans people and if it’s even necessary to differentiate.
• Don’t assume trans people have a “shared experience” with people assigned the same gender.
• Don’t assume FtMs are “better” than other men, or MtFs are not “as good” as other women (especially in terms of sexism).
• When doing introductions at a meeting, say the pronoun you prefer for that space along with your name, etc. (Facilitators should make sure this is done.)
• Be sensitive to pronouns you use for someone when dealing with authority, police. Keep in mind that people’s pronouns/gender identity may not always match up with their I.D.
• Don’t include us in your process of learning about intersex or trans issues unless we ask you about it.

Now, I get the general reasons people are upset: labeling anything with queer content as “adult” while letting hetero books that clearly contain “adult” content stay is not cute. I was lucky to come from a book worshiping home where I was allowed to read anything and everything I could get my hands on. As a high school drop out with little formal education, I credit this access to books and information with giving me a great, although non-traditional, education. Queer folks (especially youth) need these books – a way to figure out the answers to the questions we sometimes can’t say out loud. To find out what the options are. To know we aren’t alone. Many isolated folks are not aware of alternative sources for books and information and Amazon.com is a likely a place someone struggling with or figuring out their queerness would go.

I also understand that it conjures up all kinds of images of crazed PTAs storming the school library and confiscating copies of Judy Blume books.

All that said, I’m still a little baffled by all the hoopla.

I am fortunate to live in one of the cities that is home to an independent, queer owned and run, feminist bookstore, Charis Books and More.

Charis opened in 1974 and has managed to survive in spite of Borders and Barnes Noble/Amazon.com. As of today there are only 10 feminist bookstores in the U.S. and Canada (compared to 120 in 1994.) I first found Charis as a kid when my mom would take me to its original storefront location on Moreland Ave. in the Little Five Points neighborhood of Atlanta. When I was 15, a hot angsty mess, and starting to figure out my queer identity, I rediscovered Charis, on my own this time. They had moved to a house caddy-corner to their original location. Inside I found hundreds of books to help me sort my shit out, as well as a community. I began volunteering at the bookstore and continued to do so off and on. I learned about Charis Circle, the non profit sister organization to the bookstore which puts on free author readings, books groups, writing groups, and social justice programming in the store. When I was 20 I volunteered as a mentor in the fabulous but now defunct ‘Sistergirls’ program and a year or so later joined the board of directors and served for 2 years. I also completed a 7 month fellowship with the Governor’s Council on Developmental Disabilities by spending 20 hours a week as part of the Charis Circle staff organizing disability specific programming and outreach via Charis Circle. This fellowship allowed me to create an ongoing disability series at Charis, which continues today, more than a year after my fellowship came to an end.

Charis (both the Circle and Store) have changed my life multiple times in the 10 years I’ve been going sans mom. They have offered me a never ending world of books, the opportunity to meet my favorite authors and even share a meal with one of them (Michelle Tea!!), a space to further my social justice and community organizing work, and above all else, a community. I’ve grown up at Charis. Gone from an awkward and angry punk rock baby dyke to a confident (and still angry) femme 20-something.

My question to folks outraged by Amazon’s shennanigans: Why aren’t we buying our books from the Charis or any of the feminist bookstores or LGBT bookstores (do a google search if you want to see if there is one in your area) or even your local indie bookstore which you can find listed here? Why is anyone surprised that a mega corporation, who is currently controlling the books that most people in the U.S. buy and have access to, is censoring queer, feminist and sex positive voices? Why are we allowing Amazon.com to be our source for progressive and radical information in the first place?

Bookstores like Charis exist to support OUR voices, to fight damage done to our communities by corporations like Amazon.com and Co. Even if you are somewhere with no indie bookstore, you can order online from most indies these days and most are more than happy to special order any book your heart can dream of (or recommend a damn good one if you don’t know what you’re looking for.)

Charis offers 10% off all online orders, so what are you waiting for? Click here and start shopping today! Let’s stop trying to force corporations to accommodate our community’s needs or think that buying corporate support will liberate us. Let’s instead support those who truly support us, in part because they are part of our community. Borders and Barnes and Noble/Amazon.com may be on every corner and always offer free shipping, but they can’t come remotely close to provide the never ending list of things a good independent bookstore does. If these aren’t enough reasons to shop independent, here are some more from the Indie Bound website:

Why shop Indie?

When you shop at an independently owned business, your entire community benefits:

The Economy

• Spend $100 at a local and $68 of that stays in your community. Spend the same $100 at a national chain, and your community only sees $43.
• Local businesses create higher-paying jobs for our neighbors.
• More of your taxes are reinvested in your community–where they belong.

The Environment

• Buying local means less packaging, less transportation, and a smaller carbon footprint.
• Shopping in a local business district means less infrastructure, less maintenance, and more money to beautify your community.

The Community

• Local retailers are your friends and neighbors—support them and they’ll support you.
• Local businesses donate to charities at more than twice the rate of national chains.
• More independents means more choice, more diversity, and a truly unique community.

I do have a couple of upcoming events that I wanted to share with folks:

Tuesday April 7th 7:00pm I will be doing a Intersex 101 at Agnes Scott College in the Teasley Auditorium which is located in the Science Building off of W. Dougherty St. This presentation will include basic intersex definitions, some or all of the film ‘One in 2000′ by Ajae Clearway, my personal story, plus time for q&a and discussion. This is a really good way to get the basics of what intersex is, learn about intersex activism, and how you can be an ally.

Thursday May 14th from 7:30-9:00pm I will be taking part in the official Atlanta Visible: A Femmethology launch party at Charis Books and More. This event is presented by Charis Circle and sponsored by the Atlanta Femme Mafia. It will feature readings from the Atlanta contributors featured in the two books including myself, Brook Bolen, Asha Leong, Margaret Price, and JD Dykes. It will be an evening full of fabulous writing on femme identity, thought provoking conversation, snacks, and fabulous fashion (I know I have been picking my outfit out in my head for months.)

There will also be another reading at Aphrodite’s Toybox sometime in the near future. Details TBA.

Please feel free to spread the word about these events and bring your friends, family, co-workers, next door neighbor, etc!

Finally in 2007, after years of Ajae interviewing intersex individuals (and funding the film out of her own pocket,) One in 2000 was finally released. In April 2008, Ajae came to Atlanta and we did 4 screenings of the film in 3 days (At Emory, Charis, Spelman and Agnes Scott.) We estimate that between 300 and 400 people saw the film over that 3 day period, which is pretty damn exciting.

If you missed the film and live in Atlanta, you will probably have another opportunity to see it screened with little ol’ me, as I am likely to do a few more screenings locally in the future. If you work for an institution or are in school and want to have your library order it, it can be purchased here at institutional rates. And be sure to check out Ajae’s production company, Polyvinyl Pictures here and support independent, queer, feminist, filmmakers! Also, I have heard that they have been showing the film on Logo these days, so if you have  the fancy cable be sure to check it out.

Below is the speech I read as an introduction to the film for your reading pleasure.

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I am glad to be here today with Ajae Clearway and am proud of my involvement in ‘One in 2000′. It is extremely important to listen to the voices of those of us who are intersex. Most of the information about intersex people comes from medical professionals and academics who are NOT personally affected. It is important to remember that the true experts on intersex lives are intersex people ourselves. I appreciate that ‘One in 2000′ focuses on the voices and experiences of these true experts.

I am an intersex person who was diagnosed as a teenager. The intersex condition I have, Mayer Rokitansy Kuster Hauser Syndrome (MRKH), is rarely diagnosed until we are teenagers, because it is rarely evident until puberty occurs and menstruation does not begin. I was, like many people with MRKH, initially misdiagnosed as having an imperforate hymen, which is when the hymen is thicker than is typically found. This can have medical complications, because it can prevent menstrual blood from exiting the body. My MRKH was discovered after an attempt was made to cut my non-existent hymen and they discovered that I was in fact born without a vagina, cervix and uterus (or my uterus is smaller than common). The trauma of going through multiple genital exams, followed by an unnecessary surgery, followed by even more genital exams and discussions of how to create a vagina was quite difficult for me, especially at the always awkward age of 15. Doctors were much more concerned with my lack of a vagina and creating one, than they were with my emotional well being after receiving an intersex diagnosis. I was not informed of the potentially health threatening symptoms associated with MRKH and only learned of them through of my own research. Additionally, as all of my “options” for dealing with my MRKH were discussed, the option of continuing my life without a vagina, was never offered to me.

Fully informed consent is something that is absolutely necessary before any surgeries are performed. I feel that no non-essential medical interventions should occur until the intersex individual is old enough to make a fully informed decision. In order to make a fully informed decision, all options need to be presented, along with the pros and cons. This list absolutely must include the option to have no surgery. Doctors should stress that choosing not to have surgery is as much of an option as undergoing surgical procedures.

Additionally, I have great concerns about the current push for the identification of intersex conditions in utero, and the treatment of these conditions. Eugenics has a very real and dangerous history in this country and is still a very real threat, especially to people with disabilities and people with intersex conditions. I fear that as the causes of more and more intersex conditions are discovered, researchers will start to look for “cures”. I am concerned that this could result in preventing the birth of intersex individuals altogether. Surgery also plays a similar role (as addressed in the film). Intersex people represent one of the many variations in human bodies and surgery is being used to essentially wipe out an entire group of humans and force us to assimilate. In my case, doctors and researchers do not yet know the “cause” of MRKH. I have serious concerns about what will happen once a “cause” is discovered.

Educating the public is a large issue for intersex activists. Most people are not aware that intersex people exist, although I am sure we can all agree that 1 in 2000 births is not very rare at all. It is estimated that 5 children a day have unnecessary cosmetic surgery performed on their genitals due to a intersex condition. The medicalization of intersex bodies is a huge problem. These surgeries are seldom medically necessary and are strongly influenced by our deeply embedded ideas about gender, sex, sexuality and the idea of “right” and “wrong” bodies. It is time to put a stop to these unnecessary, traumatic and often complication-ridden surgeries without fully informed consent. It is time to start listening to the voices of intersex people and letting us make these decisions based on facts and not on the fears of a society that is terrified of difference.

I am one of the lucky ones. Because of my late diagnosis and my inability to emotionally handle this diagnosis, I did not go through with any cosmetic surgeries to create a vagina. Instead, from age 15-18, I hid this dark secret. I was ashamed and felt like a freak. I thought that no one would want to be sexually involved with me if they knew my secret. For much of those years, even when sexually involved with someone, I did not tell them that I was born without a vagina. This made sex stressful and unenjoyable most of the time. I spent all of my early sexual experiences trying to avoid penetrative sex, without revealing that I had MRKH. When I was 18, I stumbled upon a workshop at a queer conference in San Francisco, which featured 3 intersex people sharing their stories. I did not know the word intersex, nor did I have any idea that this word applied to me. Although none of the people who spoke had MRKH, the similarities of their experiences to mine was uncanny. When I returned home, I starting researching intersex and learned about the intersex activist movement. When I learned that a whole movement existed to end the shame, secrecy and non-consensual surgeries on intersex people, I finally felt a huge burden lifted from my shoulders. I learned that there is nothing wrong or shameful about my body, what is truly wrong and shameful is the way I and other intersex people are typically treated. I came out to the world as intersex. I finally felt empowered to be angry at the way I was treated and about the assumptions people make about my body based on my gender presentation. Having been involved in social justice movements for several years at the time, becoming a vocal intersex activist seemed like the logical next step. I only wish that one of the many doctors I saw as a teenager had told me the word ‘intersex’ and shared information with me about groups like the Intersex Society of North America years earlier.

Today, nearly 10 years after my diagnosis, I am living my life as an out and proud intersex person. I have elected to not have a vagina created and to instead keep my body as I was born. I have learned to love and be proud of my body, something I did not ever think was possible as a teenager. I have had wonderful, supportive partners, who love me and my body and wouldn’t change me for the world. I have given dozens of intersex presentations at colleges, universities, conferences and to community organizations both in Atlanta and around the United States. I have served on the board of directors of Bodies Like Ours, an intersex peer support and advocacy group and have pushed to get other social justice groups to include intersex issues in their work. The intersex movement has made much progress during it’s short existence. I look forward to the day when no intersex person ever feels ashamed of who they are and or the body they were born with. I look forward to the day when intersex bodies are no longer medicalized and there are no more stories to tell about painful, unwanted and unnecessary genital surgeries. I hope that ‘One in 2000,’ can play a role in making that a reality.

In the year that has passed, I have been writing more and in March of 2009 my writing will be published as part of Visible: A Femmethology! I thought I would post some of the things I have written in the past to get some content up on the blog. So without further ado:

2007 International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers Piece by Caitlin Childs

The following are some completely random reflections and memories from my time in the sex industry and specifically my time as a stripper. There are so many things I could say, as the subject is really complicated for me, but these are just a few snapshots.

I want to show how complicated my relationship is to sex work, but how it has mostly been a positive experience for me. I want to express how my feelings can change from one moment to the next or even one sentence to the next. How I feel better on the nights I make tons of tips and I am dancing more for me than for them and they know that and it makes them want me even more. I want to talk about the scary things that happened. The negative things that happened. While maintaining that I am not exploited in this industry. That I consent to many things in this environment that I would never consent to in any other context.

That stripping made me safe and alive and present in my body for the first time in my life. That I finally felt sexy and sexual in a way that I felt I controlled and was not simply projected onto me by others. That I got comfortable with sexuality in ways I didn’t realize I wasn’t already comfortable in.

That I loved the way my muscles and feet hurt after a busy night. That I miss being on stage, being in heels, dressing up for work and picking out my favorite music to dance to. That I loved the ritual of counting my money at the end of the night. Separating it into piles of $100 and writing notes on how much I made after tip out, memorable moments from the evening and how much I spent in the jukebox. The customers who surprised me or caught me off guard with their wit, brains or similar interests.

That I hated the slow nights. The nights when it seemed like everyone was making money but me. The nights when I would rather be home in bed or with my girlfriend or at a meeting of an activist group. The nights when it was smoky, crowded and loud. When customers came in to laugh at my co-workers and I. The times customers told me ‘You’re too pretty/smart/insert other generic compliment to work here’ and were surprised when I didn’t take it as a compliment. When people sat at the bar and didn’t tip. When people tried to invade my personal boundaries. The boring fucking conversation.

How I would try to infiltrate the club with my books of feminist and queer theory, the latest issue of Bitch or $pread. The Team Dresch and Bikini Kill on my cds. The conversations of politics with customers, which at times interesting, often distracted me from my purpose of making rent. How I would infiltrate the club with pieces of who I am. The burlesque costumes and music. The feminism and idea of sex worker empowerment.

The wads of 1s or 20s that I would find hidden in random places that I had totally forgotten about. The knowing looks I got at the gas station by the club when I came in in slobby clothes and a face full of stage make-up to get smokes on the way into work. The knowing looks at kroger in the same slobby clothes and make-up now runny, smeared and caked-on when I stopped for food on the way home.

How hard it is for me to trust folks outside the industry with my experiences. How I am equally wary of the sex radical feminists who are not and have never been sex workers, but are endlessly fascinated with this industry as I am with the Andrea Dworkins and other anti-sex work “feminists” who think that I am either a) a victim or b) brainwashed by the patriarchy. The way you never truly understand how complicated and grey this industry is until you are chin deep in it. How I never really understood that as a sex radical feminist outside the industry, but after working in it off and on for over 6 years and dancing on and off for 3, I see and feel the issues very differently.

The way stripping seemed interesting and fun until the 1 1/2 year mark and then I started to burn out. How at the 2-year mark, I was in full-fledged burn-out mode. How I keep quitting and keep coming back. How I swore I would never get into that cycle. How I can’t bring myself to work for shitty money in a shitty job. How no matter how burnt out I am on stripping, stripping always seems more appealing than that. How I really, really miss it at times and other times the idea of dancing makes me sick.

Feeling endlessly frustrated that it is near impossible for me to get a job that pays a living wage outside of the sex industry. Feeling like no matter how smart, successful and self-made I am, people would rather pay me for my tits than my brains. Knowing that some of the people who look down on me for working in this industry enforce the status quo that makes it so hard for me to get jobs that I am qualified for and are brain-based because of my lack of formal education.

When I joined the board of a feminist organization that had board meetings on one of my regular work nights. Painting my nails during board meetings, showing up in pjs and full make-up. Bolting early to make it to work on time.

How I’d walk from my house to my car with my stripper gear in tow (including a pair of knee high heeled boots always) and wondering what the fuck my yuppie and elderly Christian neighbors thought.

The times people I was dating or sleeping with came to the club to watch me dance. And watch other people watch me dance. And watch those people want me. Feeling like we had a special secret conspiracy we were pulling over on them.

The millions of times people asked me if I was from France or Europe.

The time my mom came in.

The amazing women I worked with. The way we really are a dysfunctional family. The way I always felt safe and knew they had my back.

The number of fights I saw. The number of drunks I saw vomit on the carpet.

The night I came into the dressing room to discover a dancer had taken a shit on the carpet. The fact that years later, there is still a stain on the carpet.

The time all of my co-workers and I pooled money together to re-do the dressing room. Coming to work to find another dancer in nothing but a money garter and 4″ heels putting up drywall.

The way I felt I needed to be closeted about my work in many contexts. Going through an intensive training with a rape crisis center to be a crisis line volunteer and survivor hospital advocate and not telling anyone I was a stripper because of anti-sex work articles that were in their handbook. How I rushed from an intense training over to the club to make my shift. And while in the process of trying to transition from talk of sexual assault and rape kits to stripper mode, in walks a fellow volunteer-in-training.

Feminists and queers who came into the club and didn’t fucking tip. The person in the Lusty Lady shirt, who came in, sat at the bar and didn’t tip anyone at all. The irony of wearing a shirt for the first unionized and worker-owned co-operative strip club in the United States and not fucking tipping strippers.

The night I got someone to buy a table dance for the last song of the night, walked him back to the corner, sat him down in a chair and waited for the song to come on. Then I hear it, the Fraggle Rock theme song. Seriously. Giving him a dance and thinking about how weird it was to be sticking my bare ass in a strange man’s face while a song played that I associated with eating cheerios in front of the TV as a young child.

V-Day campaigns have become a powerful force, bringing visibility to various feminist and “women’s” issues on college campuses all over the U.S.  While widely celebrated as a local and global achievement for feminism, V-Day‘s “movement to end violence against women” raises red flags for many feminists.  The reclamation of the “vagina” as a site of female sexuality has been critiqued by feminists concerned with V-Day‘s heteronormativity.  The use of vagina as that which defines and unites “women” has been broadly critiqued by feminists concerned with both intersex and trans politics.  Post-colonial and anti-racist feminist critiques have also been concerned with the deployment of “vagina” as a concept with shared meaning and significance for women globally.  Bringing together panelists with a wide range of concerns about and investments in V-Day and The Vagina Monologues, this event will provide a forum for debate about the pros and cons of the V-Day movement and the nature of our engagement with it.

The following is what I read when it was my turn to speak. I chose to focus on my critiques as an intersex person and a woman without a vagina. I certainly have major issues with V-Day and their views on sex work, but felt I didn’t have enough time to be in depth about sex work and intersex unfortunately.

Feminist Critiques of V-Day Panel Speech by Caitlin Childs:

I was 17 when I first heard about the ‘Vagina Monologues’. I was a young and idealistic feminist and was excited to hear about the commotion this play was causing around the United States. When I heard that the play would be performed at the Roxy in Atlanta, a group of friends and I went to see it.

I loved the first-hand experiences of women relayed through the monologues. I was excited by the possibilities of combining social justice activism with performance, two long-time interests of mine.

At one point in the play, a “Vagina Fairytale” was told. I would like to read you an excerpt from that piece: (Pages 99-100 of ‘The Vagina Monologues, V-Day Edition)

“Or the story of the stunning young woman in Oklahoma, who approached me after the show with her stepmother to tell me how she had been born without a vagina, and only realized it when she was fourteen. She was playing with her girlfriend. They compared their genitals and she realized hers were different, something was wrong. She went to the gynecologist with her father, the parent she was close to, and the doctor discovered that in fact she did not have a vagina or uterus. Her father was heartbroken, trying to repress his tears and sadness so his daughter would not feel bad. On the way home from the doctor, in a noble attempt to comfort her, he said, “Don’t worry darlin’. This is gonna be just fine. As a matter of fact, it’s gonna be great. We’re gonna get you the best homemade pussy in America. And when you meet your husband, he’s gonna know we had it made specially for him.” And they did get her a new pussy, and she was relaxed and happy and when she brought her father back two night later, the love between them melted me.”

That piece resonated with me in a way I couldn’t fully articulate at the time. I felt like someone had hit me in the stomach. You see, when I was 15, I was diagnosed with what I now know is an intersex condition, when it was discovered that I was born without a uterus and vagina. Upon diagnosis, I went through multiple genital exams by multiple physicians, was initially misdiagnosed and given a painful and unnecessary surgery and was informed that I would need to have a vagina created via surgical or non-surgical methods at some point in my life. This experience was extremely traumatic and difficult for me. This was NOT due to being born with a body that doesn’t fit what is deemed “normal” for a girl or a woman, but was a result of being told that my body was “wrong” and needed to be fixed. It was due to doctors medicalizing this variance in my body and treating it as if it were a true medical emergency.

Because of all of the shame and trauma surrounding my diagnosis, at 17 when I first saw the Vagina Monologues, the friends who were with me were not aware of my intersex condition. Hearing this monologue and knowing that there was something seriously wrong with the way the play portrayed this young women and her experiences was not something I could articulate due to my own shame, silence and disempowerment.

About a year later, when attending a conference, I stumbled upon an intersex workshop and realized that this “condition” I had been diagnosed with at 15 was under the umbrella term of intersex. I learned that there was an entire movement of people organizing to stop the pain and trauma that people like myself go through as a result of being born into bodies that vary from what is supposedly normal. With this knowledge, I was finally able to deal with the trauma I had gone through years earlier and finally felt entitled to be angry. I found my voice and started to get more and more critical about our cultures narrow ideas around gender, sex, sexuality and bodies.

I finally realized why I had felt something so deeply in my stomach when I heard the “Vagina Fairytale”. I became critical of the sentiment behind this piece that implied that being a woman without a vagina was unacceptable and must be “fixed”. It implies that when vaginas do exist, they exist for husbands. It makes huge assumptions about this young girls heterosexuality. When doctor’s discovered I was born without a vagina, many of these same ideas and assumptions were made. No one ever asked me if I was interested in penetrative vaginal sex, let alone if I was heterosexual. It was clear to me that the doctor’s treating me felt that I needed to have cosmetic surgery on my genitals in order to be a real woman and though it wasn’t, they implied this would be medically necessary. I was never told that it would be equally acceptable for me to continue my life as a woman without a vagina.

In 2002, intersex activists wrote to Eve Ensler to point out the harm being done by the “Vagina Fairytale”. When Eve did not respond, activists contacted V-Day organizers to educate them about intersex genital mutilation and the intersex activist movement. Intersex activists asked V-Day to remove the “Fairytale” and to encourage V-Day to live up to it’s mission of ending violence against women and putting a stop to genital mutilation by including intersex people. Eventually, due to the pressure from intersex activists, V-day issued a joint press release with the Intersex Society of North America clarifying their position on intersex genital mutilation and urging local V-Day organizers to donate money to ISNA’s work.

In 2003, the “Vagina Fairytale” was removed from the V-Day script. However, a monologue from an intersex person’s perspective did not replace it. That year, V-Day organizers were told by the national office that they could plug additional monologues into their local productions of the play. Some producers chose to include monologues written by intersex individuals, but most did not. Later, V-Day reversed this and as it stands, local organizers cannot add any additional monologues to the script.

The more I thought about this and the Vagina Monologues as a whole, the more critical I became. The idea that having a vagina is the one thing that unites all women, just doesn’t work. Women exist with many different types of bodies, some with vaginas and some without. Vaginas do not make women, women.

The more I examined the Vagina Monologues, the more problems I saw. Why is it that the ritualistic cutting of women’s genitals in Africa is portrayed as serious and tragic, yet the “Vagina Fairytale” is written in a fun and lighthearted monologue? Why is it that genital cutting in other countries is portrayed as barbaric, yet there is no mention of the 5 intersex children per day who are given cosmetic surgeries on their genitals without their consent? Why is the word “mutilation” used to talk about genital cutting in Africa, but in the United States, it is a “fairytale”? Why is it that the monologues are all written from the first-person perspective of women, with the exception of the only monologue about an intersex person? V-Day’s mission states “Rape, incest, battery, genital mutilation and sexual slavery must end now.” In excluding intersex genital mutilation from their work, V-Day fails in its mission to end genital mutilation. By choosing to highlight genital mutilation in African countries, while ignoring genital mutilation happening daily in hospitals across the United States, V-Day perpetuates racist and imperialistic ideas that are dangerous to women and men, both intersex and not, around the world.

As feminists, it is important for us to be critical of art, culture, theory and activism done in our name. When a group touts itself as “The global movement to end violence against women’, we must challenge that group to examine what that really means and question whether that is truly accurate.

Due to the ignorance surrounding intersex, it is not surprising to me that Eve Ensler and V-Day have not been more proactive in their response to intersex activists. Education is one of the top priorities for those of us active in the intersex movement. How wonderful would it be for intersex people if Eve had used her platform to help stop the very real violence occurring multiple times per day to intersex people in the United States and beyond?

It is time to hold V-Day and Eve Ensler accountable for the harm and damage they are doing. It is time to challenge them to live up to their mission. It is time to end the secrecy, shame, non-consensual and damaging genital mutilations happening to intersex people daily.