This is an outpouring of love for Caster Semenya. Wrong is not her name. What is wrong is the way she has been treated in global media. As three queer women, we have struggled with our own relationship to the feminine as it has been constructed in mainstream society. As a black woman set adrift in a sea of whiteness, it was hard to see myself as beautiful. My curves and skin color made me unattractive in my world. As a white, feminine woman who is also intersex, I have struggled hard to come to peace with my body. Doctors and the world around me have told me I am defective or have denied my existence entirely. As a disabled Korean adoptee, I grew up as an outsider, rarely seeing people who moved like me or reflected me in my community or in the media. I was constantly told that my body was something that needed to be “fixed;” that it was “wrong;” and that it, that I, was “undesirable.” We engage with each other as comrades, three queer women uniquely shaped by our lived identities and experiences. We were the odd ones out, queered by our bodies, but later we claimed our queerness with fierce intention and pride. Now we choose our difference, embrace what sets us a part from a constrictive mainstream. It is for these reasons that we feel a deep kinship with Caster Semneya. Her story unfolded internationally without her consent and knowledge. We write to right wrongs done to someone whose only crime was daring to be all that she is.

Read the rest here

There are a number of exciting events being planned to fill the gap. You can read about them on the on the Stonewall 40 Atlanta website here and Atlanta Pride website here.

I want to highlight a reading I am involved in that will take place Stonewall weekend for the fabulous two-volume anthology I have a piece in called ‘Visible: A Femmethology’. I am especially excited to commemorate Stonewall weekend with a reading from this book, as I think the fact that it challenges the queer community on assumptions and ideas around femininity and femme identity is especially appropriate. The event is free and open to the public. Hope to see you there!

Stonewall Anniversary Weekend Femmethology Reading
Saturday June 27th, 2009 8:30pm  @ Aphrodite’s Toy Box (3040 N. Decatur Rd. Scottdale, GA 30079)

‘Visible: A Femmethology‘, the only two-volume anthology devoted to femme identity, calls the LGBTQI community on its prejudices and celebrates the  diversity of individual femmes. Award-winning authors, spoken-word artists,  and new voices come together to challenge conventional ideas of how  disability, class, nationality, race, aesthetics, sexual orientation, gender identity and body type intersect with each contributor’s concrete notion of femmedom. Join us as we celebrate the release of this anthology, with readings by 5 local contributors: Brook Bolen, Caitlin Childs, JD Dykes, Asha Leong, and Margaret Price.

You can view the Facebook invitation here, read about the book on the Femmethology website here, read about the fabulous publisher here, and get info on the venue hosting the reading, Aphrodite’s Toy Box here.

I helped write this list, along with some trans community members, back in 2004. I was part of a group of young, white, anti-authoritarian, community organizers in Atlanta who decided that rather than continue to organize in ways that were potentially problematic, we should take the time to caucus around race, look back critically on past organizing, and think about ways that white organizers can work with communities of color in ways that are actually useful to communities of color. We eventually did some interesting community organizing projects that were very intentional in regards to building relationships, taking leadership from communities of color, and sustainability. These caucuses were far from problem free and eventually did dissolve. However, I learned a lot from my involvement and that work has definitely informed my activism since.

This list of demands came out of some of that work. It was initially written just for the folks involved in the caucusing. Most of us involved in the caucusing decided to attend the SEANET (South East Anarchist Network) Conference in the Spring of 2004. Upon finding out that the conference organizers had decided to use a gender caucus format for the bulk of the conference, we sent this list to the organizers and to be distributed at the conference. Apparently it made it’s way around the internet world. I think it is a useful starting point. There are probably things I would change and add to it now, but I think it is definitely worth sharing. Let me know your thoughts too!

Also, I am working on a blog on the differences and commonalities between intersex and transgender. I think that intersex and  trans folks are natural allies in many ways and I have some thoughts on the ways we can work together and support each other’s activism and struggles. We intentionally separated out the trans and intersex demands on this list, even if some do overlap, because we acknowledge big differences do exist and think it takes away from both trans and intersex folks’ unique experiences to lump everything together.

************************************************************************************************************************

April, 2004

Here are two separate lists that a few of us developed in Atlanta. We initially wrote the list because we had found other lists in regards to sexism to be good, but incomplete and lacking in our own experiences.

The trans demands are lacking in MtF voices. This list comes out of our community. The list is far from complete, but is good to start discussions around these issues. We wanted to make sure we sent them out before the SEAnet (South Eastern Anarchist network) Gathering in April [2004]. We encourage everyone (particularly SEAnet organizers) to take the time to read them.

INTERSEX LIST OF DEMANDS

• Don’t assume you know someone’s sex based on how you perceive them or their gender.
• Don’t assume all women have a vagina, uterus, etc.
• Don’t assume all men have a penis, testes, etc.
• Don’t fetishize our bodies.
• Don’t use the word hermaphrodite to describe us unless we identify that way and give permission.
• Don’t feel sorry for us.
• Respect our sex identification.
• Don’t exploit our existence to discredit biological determinism or other academic ideologies.
• Know the difference between sex and gender.
• Know the difference between intersexed and transgendered.
• Don’t ask us or try to picture what our genitals look like.
• Don’t ask us if we have sexual sensations.
• Don’t assume you have the right to know intimate details of our bodies. We have the right to privacy and safety like all other people.
• Realize we have historically been mutilated, fetishized, and made into freak shows. Understand how this affects us and our safety.
• Don’t say “cool” or “weird” or treat us differently when we tell you we are intersexed.
• Educate yourself!!! Read books on intersex.
• Girl, woman, female; boy, man, male are not always interchangeable.
• Don’t assume all intersex people are queer.
• Realize that not all people with intersex condition are out.
• Realize that not all people with intersex conditions even know that they are intersexed.
• Remember that we are 1 in 100, and that is not rare at all!!!
• Don’t call our conditions “disorders,” “retardations,” “abnormalities,” etc.
• Realize that bodies come in all different shapes, sizes and with different parts.
• Realize how fucking strong we are to speak up about the medical abuse and victimization we have been through and that we deserve mad props.
• Don’t write us off as rare and unimportant. Don’t put off educating yourself for other “more important” issues.
• In situations such as gender caucuses, keep in mind that not all the people who identify as women have similar genitalia, etc. Understand that we have been taught that our bodies are “wrong” and “ugly” and that it reinforces this when people say they love being women because of their vagina, uterus, etc., this reinforces those feelings. Woman does not necessarily = female. Man does not necessarily = male.

TRANS/GENDER LIST OF DEMANDS

• Don’t assume someone’s gender identity.
• Don’t constantly reference someone’s gender identity in an attempt to seem OK with it. Likewise, don’t think we care if you’re OK with us or not. No one asked for your approval.
• Don’t trip up on pronouns- if you fuck up, simply correct yourself and go on.
• Don’t glamorize someone’s gender identity or think it’s “cool” or say that you’re “into it.”
• Read trans/gender theory. Know the difference between: transgender, transsexual, gender fucking, gender blending/bending, gender vs. sex, binary gender, passing, transitioning, binding, tucking, packing/stuffing, third genders, drag queens/kings, androgyny, butch, femme, crossdressing, boi, MtF, FtM, tranny boys, tranny dykes, boydykes, transfags, etc., etc., etc.!!!
• Know the difference between intersex and transgender.
  
• Think about how you would really feel if someone you loved transitioned. Think about your fears and why you have them.
• Recognize your own transphobia.
• Know about transitioning and surgery and hormones.
• Don’t just name yourself a “trans ally” one day.
• Realize that some of us have struggled with our gender identity for a long time. Don’t think that we just woke up one day and decided that we would identify as transgendered. So when we finally find a space that we’re comfortable in (even if temporarily), don’t co-opt that space or try to make it yours too.
• Even if you think fucking with gender is hot, don’t talk about it in an objectifying way.
• Realize that it can be hard existing in in-between spaces and really know that trans oppression and transphobia exist. Know the fear of not being able to determine when you pass, the fear of being arrested/strip searched/thrown in the wrong holding cell, the threat of violence, the annoyance of having to “come out” about your gender identity constantly, etc.
• Understand the privilege of feeling at home in your body, using a public bathroom, knowing which M/F box to check, having people assume your gender identity and them being right, etc.
• Realize that there is a gender community and that the validation we receive from that community can be incomparable to what you could ever offer us and let us seek refuge there.
• Recognize how class and race fit into these equations.
• Recognize and respect someone’s gender identity regardless of whether or not they choose to have surgery or take hormones. Similarly, don’t judge someone for transitioning or not wanting to identify as “transgendered.”
• Don’t think of a transgender identity as “political.”
• Don’t partner with us out of some weird transitioning or coming out process for you. Don’t ask us how we fuck.
• Question your own gender! (But don’t then tell me, “You know, I’ve never felt like a ‘real man’/'real woman’ either.” -What this means is don’t assume our experiences are the same.
• Don’t ask questions about someone trying to determine their “real gender.”
• Don’t think that FtM are dealing with some kind of internalized sexism.
• Don’t assume our gender identity, render it invisible, or think it doesn’t matter because of who we choose to partner with.
• Don’t label our gender or sexual identity for us. Recognize the difference between the two!
• Don’t think of our experiences and identities as monolithic.
• Don’t think we are a “recent emergence” that somehow came out of gender/queer theory and academia.
• Realize that there are a variety of trans/gender expressions. Don’t assume that people should express their gender similarly just because they both identify as transgendered. Likewise, don’t judge someone because you think that their trans identity and gender expression conflict.
• Think about the language you use to differentiate between trans and non-trans people and if it’s even necessary to differentiate.
• Don’t assume trans people have a “shared experience” with people assigned the same gender.
• Don’t assume FtMs are “better” than other men, or MtFs are not “as good” as other women (especially in terms of sexism).
• When doing introductions at a meeting, say the pronoun you prefer for that space along with your name, etc. (Facilitators should make sure this is done.)
• Be sensitive to pronouns you use for someone when dealing with authority, police. Keep in mind that people’s pronouns/gender identity may not always match up with their I.D.
• Don’t include us in your process of learning about intersex or trans issues unless we ask you about it.

How do you define your femme identity?
I am a queer intersex woman who purposefully and thoughtfully creates and plays with a feminine gender that was consciously created by and for me. My femme gender is smart, sassy, tough, glamorous and fun. My shoe collection consists of tons of heels (4″+ please!), skate shoes and lots and lots of boots. My style varies between classic pin-up burlesque bombshell, punk rock riot grrrl and the always trusty jeans and t-shirts. My armpits are always hairy but I shave my legs most of the time. Bikini Kill’s self-titled EP changed my life, yet Britney Spears is one of my favorites. When I grow up I want to be a combination of Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls and Ruth from Fried Green Tomatoes. My femme identity did not come easily or quickly, and I had to work through a lot of my own internalized femme phobia and misogyny to get here. My identity as a femme changes and gets deeper and more complicated daily. I love contradictions. I love the surprises people hold and the way that opposites can co-exist in one person.

How do other identities you have not only intersect with femme but also contradict it?
As an intersex person, I have often felt different from other femmes. So much about femme identity and femininity is linked to being penetrated vaginally (I was born without a vagina) and often to having children (I was born without a uterus too.) Being a femme woman in a body that was initially assigned female but finding out when I was a teenager that my body didn’t quite fit that narrow category definitely informed my views on my own gender identity. Many assumptions are made about me and my body because of how I present my gender, because of my time as a sex worker, etc.

Read the whole thing on the Homofactus Press website by clicking here

Now, I get the general reasons people are upset: labeling anything with queer content as “adult” while letting hetero books that clearly contain “adult” content stay is not cute. I was lucky to come from a book worshiping home where I was allowed to read anything and everything I could get my hands on. As a high school drop out with little formal education, I credit this access to books and information with giving me a great, although non-traditional, education. Queer folks (especially youth) need these books – a way to figure out the answers to the questions we sometimes can’t say out loud. To find out what the options are. To know we aren’t alone. Many isolated folks are not aware of alternative sources for books and information and Amazon.com is a likely a place someone struggling with or figuring out their queerness would go.

I also understand that it conjures up all kinds of images of crazed PTAs storming the school library and confiscating copies of Judy Blume books.

All that said, I’m still a little baffled by all the hoopla.

I am fortunate to live in one of the cities that is home to an independent, queer owned and run, feminist bookstore, Charis Books and More.

Charis opened in 1974 and has managed to survive in spite of Borders and Barnes Noble/Amazon.com. As of today there are only 10 feminist bookstores in the U.S. and Canada (compared to 120 in 1994.) I first found Charis as a kid when my mom would take me to its original storefront location on Moreland Ave. in the Little Five Points neighborhood of Atlanta. When I was 15, a hot angsty mess, and starting to figure out my queer identity, I rediscovered Charis, on my own this time. They had moved to a house caddy-corner to their original location. Inside I found hundreds of books to help me sort my shit out, as well as a community. I began volunteering at the bookstore and continued to do so off and on. I learned about Charis Circle, the non profit sister organization to the bookstore which puts on free author readings, books groups, writing groups, and social justice programming in the store. When I was 20 I volunteered as a mentor in the fabulous but now defunct ‘Sistergirls’ program and a year or so later joined the board of directors and served for 2 years. I also completed a 7 month fellowship with the Governor’s Council on Developmental Disabilities by spending 20 hours a week as part of the Charis Circle staff organizing disability specific programming and outreach via Charis Circle. This fellowship allowed me to create an ongoing disability series at Charis, which continues today, more than a year after my fellowship came to an end.

Charis (both the Circle and Store) have changed my life multiple times in the 10 years I’ve been going sans mom. They have offered me a never ending world of books, the opportunity to meet my favorite authors and even share a meal with one of them (Michelle Tea!!), a space to further my social justice and community organizing work, and above all else, a community. I’ve grown up at Charis. Gone from an awkward and angry punk rock baby dyke to a confident (and still angry) femme 20-something.

My question to folks outraged by Amazon’s shennanigans: Why aren’t we buying our books from the Charis or any of the feminist bookstores or LGBT bookstores (do a google search if you want to see if there is one in your area) or even your local indie bookstore which you can find listed here? Why is anyone surprised that a mega corporation, who is currently controlling the books that most people in the U.S. buy and have access to, is censoring queer, feminist and sex positive voices? Why are we allowing Amazon.com to be our source for progressive and radical information in the first place?

Bookstores like Charis exist to support OUR voices, to fight damage done to our communities by corporations like Amazon.com and Co. Even if you are somewhere with no indie bookstore, you can order online from most indies these days and most are more than happy to special order any book your heart can dream of (or recommend a damn good one if you don’t know what you’re looking for.)

Charis offers 10% off all online orders, so what are you waiting for? Click here and start shopping today! Let’s stop trying to force corporations to accommodate our community’s needs or think that buying corporate support will liberate us. Let’s instead support those who truly support us, in part because they are part of our community. Borders and Barnes and Noble/Amazon.com may be on every corner and always offer free shipping, but they can’t come remotely close to provide the never ending list of things a good independent bookstore does. If these aren’t enough reasons to shop independent, here are some more from the Indie Bound website:

Why shop Indie?

When you shop at an independently owned business, your entire community benefits:

The Economy

• Spend $100 at a local and $68 of that stays in your community. Spend the same $100 at a national chain, and your community only sees $43.
• Local businesses create higher-paying jobs for our neighbors.
• More of your taxes are reinvested in your community–where they belong.

The Environment

• Buying local means less packaging, less transportation, and a smaller carbon footprint.
• Shopping in a local business district means less infrastructure, less maintenance, and more money to beautify your community.

The Community

• Local retailers are your friends and neighbors—support them and they’ll support you.
• Local businesses donate to charities at more than twice the rate of national chains.
• More independents means more choice, more diversity, and a truly unique community.

Homofactus will be offering 28% off all pre-orders of the book in the month of February, but you *must* subscribe to their newsletter to receive this discount. Sign-up for the newsletter by sending an email here: newsletter@homofactuspress.com or visiting their website

Thanks for everyone’s support of these two fabulous volumes of femme filled goodness. We will be doing a reading at some point at Charis for Atlanta contributors, so stay tuned for more on that.

In the meantime, here is the official table of contents for both volumes of the Femmethology:

Vol. 1

1. Diesel by Daphne Gottlieb

2. Transition by Allison Stelly

3. Snapshots: Being Femme, or Doing Femme by Katie Livingston

4. Not so much “MTF” as “SPTBMTQFF”: The identification of a trans femme-inist by Josephine Wilson

5. The Joy of Looking: Resisting the Couple Fetish by J.C. Yu

6. A Decade Later–Still Femme? by Sharon Wachsler

7. Femme Queening–An Identity in Several Acts by Kpoene’ Kofi-Bruce

8. Femme Is As Femme Does: On Being a Queer Southern Femme by Brook Bolen

9. Femme Fuck Revolution by Hadassah Hill

10. Subverting Normalcy: Living a Femme Identity by Ann Tweedy

11. The King of Femmes by Asha Leong

12. The Conversation by Mette Bach

13. The Shimmy Shake Protest: Queer Femme Burlesque as Sex Positive Activism by Maura Ryan

14. Femme the Sex of Me by Jennifer Cross

15. There and Back Again: Revisiting the Femme Experience of Genderfucking by Amy André and Sand Chang

16. Once a Femme, Always a Femme by Katrina Fox

17. Not That Girl by Margaret Price

18. Femme Bookworm, or, What’s a Girl to Read When She’s Feeling Invisible? by Anna Watson

19. Prayer by Miel Rose

20. Femme(In)visible or Gender-Blind? by Traci Craig

21. Meet Me on the Mobius Strip by Carol Mirakove

22. I Know You Are (But What Am I?) by Stacia Seaman

23. Some Femmes Don’t Wear Heels by Joshua Bastian Cole

24. A Place I Know by Sheila Hart Nelson

25. Journey to Femme by Emjāen Fetherston-Power

26. Femme-Lesbian Autobiography, or How Can You Be Certain That You Are That Way by Yael Mishali

27. Femme for Life by Moonyean

28. Can You See Me Now? by Sassafras Lowrey

29. Rebel Girl: How Riot Grrl Changed Me, Even If It Didn’t Fit Just Right by Gina de Vries

30. The Lament of the Dolly Lama by Clairanne Browne

31. Femmiest of Femme Hobbies by Tara Hardy

Vol. 2

1.Essence and Artifice by Leslie Freeman-Dykesen

2. Fringe Dweller: Toward an Ecofeminist Politic of Femme by Peggy Munson

3. Ignoring Childhood Messages and Breaking the Rules of Feminism and Professionalism: The Femme as World-Straddling Outlaw by Ann Tweedy

4. This Femme’s User Guide by A. H.

5. My White Picket Fence by Lisa R. Papez

6. Femme Chivalry by JD Dykes

7. The Femme Movement: Why We’re Here, Why We’re (So Damn and Beautifully) Queer, and Why You’re Gonna Get Used to It by Maura Ryan

8. Seams by Ryn Hodes

9. Reclaiming Femme by Caitlin Petrakis Childs

10. Outfit Separates by Maria See

11. Dirt Roads and Bucket Baths: Practicalities of Portable Femme Identity by Alisa Lemberg

12. The Anonymity of Femmeininity by Allison Wonderland

13. Searching for My History by Sassafras Lowrey

14. Femme at Work by J.C. Yu

15. Roadside in Perris, California by Kimberly Dark

16. “But I can be a femme in track pants, you know?” by Rachel Hurst

17. The Femme Factor by Darrah de jour

18. Too Sensitive? Exploring Trans-Masculine Femininity by C.T. Whitley

19. In/Visible Femme by J. E. Franet

20. I Am Not a Box by Ariel McGowan

21. Mapping My Body by August Nightingale

22. Confessions of a Fag Hag Femme by Sascha Elise Cohen

23. Buzz Cut by Lucy Marrero

24. Love Letter by Sinclair Sexsmith

25. Femmenemy by Cherry Bomb

26. It’s Less About What They See by Julie Jordan Avritt

27. In The Shadow Of The Valley by Sherilyn Connelly

28. Working-Class Incest Survivor Femme by Tara Hardy

In the year that has passed, I have been writing more and in March of 2009 my writing will be published as part of Visible: A Femmethology! I thought I would post some of the things I have written in the past to get some content up on the blog. So without further ado:

2007 International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers Piece by Caitlin Childs

The following are some completely random reflections and memories from my time in the sex industry and specifically my time as a stripper. There are so many things I could say, as the subject is really complicated for me, but these are just a few snapshots.

I want to show how complicated my relationship is to sex work, but how it has mostly been a positive experience for me. I want to express how my feelings can change from one moment to the next or even one sentence to the next. How I feel better on the nights I make tons of tips and I am dancing more for me than for them and they know that and it makes them want me even more. I want to talk about the scary things that happened. The negative things that happened. While maintaining that I am not exploited in this industry. That I consent to many things in this environment that I would never consent to in any other context.

That stripping made me safe and alive and present in my body for the first time in my life. That I finally felt sexy and sexual in a way that I felt I controlled and was not simply projected onto me by others. That I got comfortable with sexuality in ways I didn’t realize I wasn’t already comfortable in.

That I loved the way my muscles and feet hurt after a busy night. That I miss being on stage, being in heels, dressing up for work and picking out my favorite music to dance to. That I loved the ritual of counting my money at the end of the night. Separating it into piles of $100 and writing notes on how much I made after tip out, memorable moments from the evening and how much I spent in the jukebox. The customers who surprised me or caught me off guard with their wit, brains or similar interests.

That I hated the slow nights. The nights when it seemed like everyone was making money but me. The nights when I would rather be home in bed or with my girlfriend or at a meeting of an activist group. The nights when it was smoky, crowded and loud. When customers came in to laugh at my co-workers and I. The times customers told me ‘You’re too pretty/smart/insert other generic compliment to work here’ and were surprised when I didn’t take it as a compliment. When people sat at the bar and didn’t tip. When people tried to invade my personal boundaries. The boring fucking conversation.

How I would try to infiltrate the club with my books of feminist and queer theory, the latest issue of Bitch or $pread. The Team Dresch and Bikini Kill on my cds. The conversations of politics with customers, which at times interesting, often distracted me from my purpose of making rent. How I would infiltrate the club with pieces of who I am. The burlesque costumes and music. The feminism and idea of sex worker empowerment.

The wads of 1s or 20s that I would find hidden in random places that I had totally forgotten about. The knowing looks I got at the gas station by the club when I came in in slobby clothes and a face full of stage make-up to get smokes on the way into work. The knowing looks at kroger in the same slobby clothes and make-up now runny, smeared and caked-on when I stopped for food on the way home.

How hard it is for me to trust folks outside the industry with my experiences. How I am equally wary of the sex radical feminists who are not and have never been sex workers, but are endlessly fascinated with this industry as I am with the Andrea Dworkins and other anti-sex work “feminists” who think that I am either a) a victim or b) brainwashed by the patriarchy. The way you never truly understand how complicated and grey this industry is until you are chin deep in it. How I never really understood that as a sex radical feminist outside the industry, but after working in it off and on for over 6 years and dancing on and off for 3, I see and feel the issues very differently.

The way stripping seemed interesting and fun until the 1 1/2 year mark and then I started to burn out. How at the 2-year mark, I was in full-fledged burn-out mode. How I keep quitting and keep coming back. How I swore I would never get into that cycle. How I can’t bring myself to work for shitty money in a shitty job. How no matter how burnt out I am on stripping, stripping always seems more appealing than that. How I really, really miss it at times and other times the idea of dancing makes me sick.

Feeling endlessly frustrated that it is near impossible for me to get a job that pays a living wage outside of the sex industry. Feeling like no matter how smart, successful and self-made I am, people would rather pay me for my tits than my brains. Knowing that some of the people who look down on me for working in this industry enforce the status quo that makes it so hard for me to get jobs that I am qualified for and are brain-based because of my lack of formal education.

When I joined the board of a feminist organization that had board meetings on one of my regular work nights. Painting my nails during board meetings, showing up in pjs and full make-up. Bolting early to make it to work on time.

How I’d walk from my house to my car with my stripper gear in tow (including a pair of knee high heeled boots always) and wondering what the fuck my yuppie and elderly Christian neighbors thought.

The times people I was dating or sleeping with came to the club to watch me dance. And watch other people watch me dance. And watch those people want me. Feeling like we had a special secret conspiracy we were pulling over on them.

The millions of times people asked me if I was from France or Europe.

The time my mom came in.

The amazing women I worked with. The way we really are a dysfunctional family. The way I always felt safe and knew they had my back.

The number of fights I saw. The number of drunks I saw vomit on the carpet.

The night I came into the dressing room to discover a dancer had taken a shit on the carpet. The fact that years later, there is still a stain on the carpet.

The time all of my co-workers and I pooled money together to re-do the dressing room. Coming to work to find another dancer in nothing but a money garter and 4″ heels putting up drywall.

The way I felt I needed to be closeted about my work in many contexts. Going through an intensive training with a rape crisis center to be a crisis line volunteer and survivor hospital advocate and not telling anyone I was a stripper because of anti-sex work articles that were in their handbook. How I rushed from an intense training over to the club to make my shift. And while in the process of trying to transition from talk of sexual assault and rape kits to stripper mode, in walks a fellow volunteer-in-training.

Feminists and queers who came into the club and didn’t fucking tip. The person in the Lusty Lady shirt, who came in, sat at the bar and didn’t tip anyone at all. The irony of wearing a shirt for the first unionized and worker-owned co-operative strip club in the United States and not fucking tipping strippers.

The night I got someone to buy a table dance for the last song of the night, walked him back to the corner, sat him down in a chair and waited for the song to come on. Then I hear it, the Fraggle Rock theme song. Seriously. Giving him a dance and thinking about how weird it was to be sticking my bare ass in a strange man’s face while a song played that I associated with eating cheerios in front of the TV as a young child.